It’s been a year since I had my second D&C. I debated a lot about whether or not to write a post about it because I am in such a good place right now after a difficult 2019 and it didn’t feel.. “relevant” (?!) to write about it.. But as you can see, here I am, mainly for two reasons.
I wrote and publicly shared my miscarriages stories because this was part of my own healing process, my own healing mechanism if you like. I never imagined the response that I would receive from women who had suffered miscarriages, not just women that I knew but complete strangers who didn’t feel like strangers because they were the only ones that knew exactly what I was feeling. Even up to this day, those posts receive almost the same traffic as a year ago mainly from Cyprus residents who I think are women who have just gone through a miscarriage. (I mean really who else googles “miscarriage”?). So I felt it was my responsibility to write about my aftermath, because there are women who never talk about it because they are ashamed or because they don’t have someone to truly listen to what they are trying to say.
And because I am in SUCH a good place, I felt that I had to share it, to show you that it IS possible to be happy again after a miscarriage. And no, not because I had another child since my last miscarriage because I didn’t. And no, I am not currently pregnant (as far as I know…). Instead, I had a challenging year for reasons I am not ready to share yet (and this is also ok because the good thing about sharing is you choose what you’re comfortable to share and what not) even though I want to share it eventually.
So what happened since my last miscarriage that brought me back to a happy state? Nothing. Nothing happened. Really nothing. I have the same things as before. I am surrounded by the same people as before. I felt and wrote at that first post of my first miscarriage that I was forever changed. And yes I am. Even though nothing changed in my life, I changed. Time passed. I acknowledged and accepted my losses. I miss those babies daily. But I am also thankful for my blessings. I never take anything for granted. I enjoy every moment to the max because everything that we have is a gift. Nothing “small” bothers me anymore. When someone speaks to me, I listen carefully. When something bad happens, I can now handle it with such grace that I shock myself with my newfound ability. I am more calm. I don’t get mad easily. I forgive easier. I love deeper. I am here for the good and the bad because that is life and I get to live it. And I am planning to make the most of it.
So if you are reading this because you are going/have gone through a miscarriage, know this. It sucks. It is the most horrible thing ever. You never get over it. You never forget it. But you will learn how to live with it and be happy again. It can happen. I did it. So can you.